My Heart is breaking....

I'm sitting here in tears as I type this. My father in law is not doing well at all. He is at home now. I took the boys to see him this past Saturday. At first, Joshua was a bit afraid and wouldn't even look at papa. But I told him to show papa the space star he made with the tinkertoys and he took it over. Bud(FIL) was able to open his eyes and admire it. He put his fist out for Joshua to "bump" it....their version of a high five. And Joshua did, then arm wrestled papa with his arm up to his chest. Bud pretended that it was stuck and he pretended to cry (his voice was so raspy that it seemed he really was crying.) I'm so thankful that the boys had this bit of time with their papa.

It was all I could do to keep from crying...I know if the boys weren't their I would have busted out in tears. Bud would have his eyes open...then he'd appear to just fall asleep and his eyes would roll and his toes twitch.

They put him on morphine yesterday for the pain and last Friday he signed a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order. Hospice instructed Kathy(MIL) to call them if anything should happen and NOT to call 911 or an ambulance. He won't chew his mint anymore (he was trying to stop the tobacco chew) and he doesn't want coffee anymore.

I think the reality of it all is setting in with me now. Though I knew this day would come, it's still hard. This seems to be all happening way too fast. I'm trying to stay strong for Gene (DH), but it hurts so bad that he won't talk to me and I'm sad too.

We could really use all the prayers you have.